I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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