Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
