ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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