My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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