i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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