you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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