i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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