You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
