i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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