So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
