there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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