sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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