are you so shy because you have an std?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
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So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
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Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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