if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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