I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Alive.
So much puke
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
