my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
