i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
