I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
