so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
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according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
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He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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