3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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