She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
