yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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