Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
