I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We left an ass print on the piano.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
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