The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
