were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
