who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
