So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
