were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
