I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
