Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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