it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
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I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
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I could fuck to npr.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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