What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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