i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
