phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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