He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
