i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
