i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
