Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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