Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
