it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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