Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
