our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
