Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
