Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
