whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
