I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
