youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
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The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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