Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize