I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
