Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
