every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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