is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
