i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
