i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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