Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
