why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
