Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
