friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
