I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
